And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
