im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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