I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
