I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
