i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize