Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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