Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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