watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
