I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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