my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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