Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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