Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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