Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
