oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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