I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My ass is underappreciated
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
