I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
