I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
