I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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