Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
