My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
