i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just found out that she named her cat after me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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