That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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