i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
