we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
