There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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