do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize