I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
