Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
