He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
