you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
