No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
