He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
