I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
