No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
