We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
there is glitter all over my balls
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