The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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