Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
