You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
