Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
