Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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