haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
