I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
