Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
