tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
