I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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