she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
