My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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