Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
