I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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