I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
