There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't notice because vodka
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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