Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
