I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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