when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
