I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
