i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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