it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
