I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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