I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
