The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize