For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
