yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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