I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
