I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize