Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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