He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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