If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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