note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
