a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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